It's a funny thing to be able to draw so many parallels between my 12 week pregnant self and my 2 year old son. The both of us have had quite a whirlwind couple of months. When things have been bad, they've been pretty awful. Me with figuring out this whole pregnancy (and still having a life) thing and little d figuring out his voice in our family and our relationship. Allow me to illustrate.
1) every night when I go to bed I am either so full and uncomfortable I wish I was throwing up (even though I rarely eat past 630 and I don't eat much for dinner), or else I am so incredibly hungry that either way I have a hard time sleeping. At one point I was eating lunch at 10 am and dinner at followed by a small evening snack at 6, and that worked okay for me but messed up little d's eating habits.
2) it seems like I am in a constant state of "time out-ing" little d. I don't feel I have many rules but one of them is not screaming in the house, or throwing fits (usually now one and the same) and even though he KNOWS not to do that, he has been doing it like crazy the last week, and of course once he is in time out, following it with "I just miss my dad!" (who is out of town) seriously?! I thought only girls were this conniving. Joke. Anyways, the time outs have been good for the both of us, it allows me to cool off if I'm mad at him (or just give me time to figure out my next move), and he is able to settle himself down. Then we talk about what happened and he seems to know and understand what happens with timeout... Maybe he forgets? His favorite word is NO and I am counting my lucky stars that I am not nine months pregnant now so that I can properly haul him out of the mall midtantrum (like I had to do today) because it was dangerously close to naptime and we had to get home, and then I had to terrify him ("do you want to get hit by a car?!" I know, smooth move me but I was shocked because prior to this week has been mostly obedient to me) when I was trying to open the car door for him and he tried straying into the parking lot. Nobody ever tells you when a two year old gets something in his mind (I want to drive) HE DOES NOT LET IT GO. It stays locked in that brain of his alllllll the wayyyy home. (wee!).
The good news is this "bad stuff" is all super minor. If the two of us are on roller coasters and mine is mostly always downhill (have I mentioned this pregnancy is kicking my trash?! It is), his has a few dips but just keeps climbing higher. Having a toddler is incredible, and the 95% good times easily outweighs the worse 5%. my favorite thing about having the bedroom to myself is bringing little d into my bed at 6 am, and we just lay there and he talks talks talks to me. About stuff we did, what he dreamed about, what he wants to do today, everything. Unfiltered. I cant get enough of that. It helps me understand the tantrums because while his vocabulary is so well versed, he struggles understanding why and where and time and that frustrates him, understandably so.
Little d is the most incredible little playmate and the hours we spend making "cookies" from play dough or reading together or playing at the park, those are the things I want to remember the most. With little d, as with all the rest of our children, I want to remember that life raising kids has some substantial challenges that we are usually not prepared to deal with (and I often react to horribly as an initial response), but that is completely overshadowed by these miraculous moments that quite literally take your breath away, like little d trying his hand and (finally) succeeding at riding by himself on a scooter.
Toddler moms, I am convinced, are the luckiest ones there are. Yes, their kids are chock full of emotion and when they get upset, it happens in a big way. But man when they love they love hard and there is never a moment, even when he is in time out (okay except for the times he's calling for daddy) that I doubt his love for me.
I am so so lucky. And I have to say that as hard as this pregnancy is, seeing little d every day makes me realize how terribly worth it it is.