Friday, September 14, 2012

Looking back and looking forward

If there was ever any doubt about my desire for a baby, especially a son, going through and organizing all little d's old baby clothes did the trick for me. It is incredible how each outfit is loaded with so many incredible memories, and I get terribly excited thinking about getting to put a mushy little baby in them again and adding to those memories. On the flip side, thinking about the possibility of having a girl is pretty overwhelming... Even with planning ahead and finding good deals it took (what felt like) a lot of money and effort to accumulate the wardrobe we already have, only a few pieces of which would be appropriate for a girl (since most of the onesies say things like "mamas boy" and "daddy's all star"), and even while I have no plans on ever having a super frilly pink princess girly girl (sorry to be a disappointment, mom!), I do plan on dresses, tights, hair bands and that sort of thing which I know could end up costing quite a pretty penny (and I am fully aware that the mister is concerned most about the prospect of us having a girl), but I do think making dresses and headbands would be more feasible than pants and shirts (which is why I've only decorated onesies for my darling son). But I digress. I will be pleased with a healthy baby, no matter the gender.

Even if little d announced in the car today (completely out of the blue, on the way home from the grocery store and without any prompting), "mom I no want a sister." me, "oh really? Why not?" him, "I want a brother. A brother like desi (Kevin)". Ummm... Who wants to be the one to break the news that there is not a kitten growing in my tummy to little d??

At least one thing is for sure. Looking back on my blog book from last year (was it really only last year?!) and those last difficult months balancing full time work and motherhood, each post just seethed with desperation. Sadness. Discouragement. If I could have, I would have run back in time to my old self and reassured her that she was doing a great job, she wasn't missing anything, and it would only last a short time. This time around, I am relieved and grateful that I will not feel torn between two worlds that I love so equally much. I know how hard it will be, and even knowing that I will probably have less of a chance to nap and catch up on sleep this time around with two littles (my biggest complaint by far), I will be spending the day doing what I could only dream about in 2010 and most of 2011.

And primarily because of that, I am eagerly looking forward, excited to embrace this brief period of young motherhood that passes only too quick for my liking.

2 comments:

anna. said...

gosh but wouldn't it be awesome if little d got his wish?!?

Sarah Elizabeth Kron said...

a mushy little baby?? hahah love that.

but not as much as i love the idea of you having a baby kitten as your next baby. hahahaha. (:

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