I know this blog is mostly about a certain blonde haired, blue eyed hunk and his dad, but it's also a record for me so that I can remember the way things are at this time in my life. The facts, if you will, since time has a way of distorting the truth the farther away it is. And I want to make sure that I keep a realistic perspective.
This post has nothing to do with who I am as a mother, wife, person, whatever. It is just the way my body is at this point in my life, which I really do love seeing/I am fascinated by the changes in my body over time [remember my pregnancy? duh.].
When I blogged about my 9 month post-baby body with this post and this post, it was with the hope that within the next few months I could look like this or this girl, both of whom I admire greatly for their bombdotcom postnatal bodies. But truth be told, I am not perfect and it did not happen.
And eating an entire box of Swiss Rolls [my favorite weekend hobby though half of my 20's] is apparently no longer an option since it now gives me a food baby. You are what you eat, right?
So let's start off with the least-scary stuff, shall we?
Muscles. I finally got them back after 18 months. My arms and legs are muscled up to my satisfaction thanks to a decent amount of weight lifting [daily, courtesy of little "hold me hold me" d] and obviously a whole lot of running.
Now down to the nitty-gritty. Most anyone can look at a immediate post-baby pic vs. how they look now and they will probably look pretty good by comparison. And I did. But now I am focused on improving from my 9-month pp body, which I am not quite back to again. It happens. A little sad, but true.
At 9 months pp I was thinner than I am now, mostly because I had just finished nursing a week or so before and let me tell you, that kind of calorie burning was pretty awesome and over the last 9 months I learned that you cannot expect to keep eating as much as you did while breastfeeding and stay the same weight. Shocker, I know.
I could make excuses all day long that there was a stressful move, job-hunting, lack of sleep, holidays, etc between the right picture and the left, but they would be just that: excuses. It boils down to I ate too much food that was not proper fuel for me, and gained about 10 pounds last year after losing "all" the baby weight [for, like a day]. No, I am not proud of it but I have never stopped working on it.
As of 2012, I have finally started to eat a little better [and NOT 4000 calories a day like some sumo wrestler] and am happy to say that while I still have about 5 pounds to go [just like I did at 9 months], I have a better attitude about it and I love my body so much more right now. First off, the difference in my chest now is noticeable, I am THRILLED that my girls have returned to at least half their former glory.
Secondly, while my stomach is a little thicker now, it has less skin and more muscle [even if you can't see it, I can feel it!] than I did at 9 months. I think back to the first three to six months after having little d, and I was TERRIFIED to do any abdominal work that hurt in the slightest bit, since I was so scared I would tear open [which I now know for a FACT is a legitimate concern, since it does happen!!]. The last few months it has felt SO good to "feel the burn" doing crunches, pilates, what have you.
See? There are some abdominal muscles hiding out in there!
Now for the scary parts. If you don't want to see a lot of [tummy] skin, avert your eyes or stop reading till tomorrow. While my formerly flat tummy is still a little lumpy, it has come a long way from what it was before [the first pic is all just skin and fat, no muscle in that tummy whatsoever!]
and now: [a whole lot less skin, a little less fat and more muscle]
Dun dun dunnnn. Even little d can't find his finger when he pushes into my stomach.
Also, sitting looks like this: [side view]
Oh, all that extra skin. What ever will I do with you?
On a brighter note, I think its about time to retire the old tank top
for the new one I got from DK for Christmas:
Never woulda guessed I had all that extra skin hiding in there, huh? LOVE IT.
So what's the point of this post? Certainly not to make me feel bad about myself. Sure I gained a few pounds back post-baby, but it happens. It's happened to everybody I know! You pick yourself back up and start over again, [hopefully] learning from mistakes. I don't beat myself up over something I have no control over [but if anyone needs some extra skin, I would be happy to donate some], I acknowledge it as the way my new body is, now. Exercise is cheaper than a tummy-tuck. Maybe it will go back to "normal," maybe it never will but I can and will work with what I have and continue to improve myself.
I have never put myself on a diet or restricted myself in any way. I don't eat a diet solely consisting of protein shakes, soups and salads. I eat carbs. I eat chocolate. AND I am happy with my body every day, flaws and all, because it is healthy and productive and it made a human being. I can run, jump, lift and do things that I cringe thinking about doing when I was 40 weeks pregnant. My stomach may not be as flat as a pancake, but I am not a pancake.
I am a woman.
I am a mother.
Pretty darn proud of it too.