Tuesday, January 12, 2010

sad day. (you've been warned).

I found out yesterday that a close friend and fellow prego co-worker lost her baby over the weekend...6 months along. Needless to say, yesterday I was a huge bawling mess. But through the headache that accompanied said hysteria (at least I can blame it on the pregnancy hormones), I did a lot of thinking. Mostly thinking back to the first week or two that I knew I was pregnant and looked up everything I could find online concerning the subject of loss...just in case.

There is so much that is outside of our control. As Mr. D said to me, "We could get into a car accident and die today but that doesn't mean it is going to prevent us from driving in a car." Irrational fears (such as the ones surrounding the Christmas terrorist attack) are unfortunately the driving force behind what we do and how we handle things as a society. We go to extremes (like doing full-body x-ray scans) to prevent something that we ultimately have no control over. And we just need to accept that.

I guess what I am saying is that I could worry myself for the next 3-6 months about something going wrong (and I am sure for every waking hour I have of that child's life) but in the end, it is not up to me to decide. I am just so grateful that I have been born into a family where I have been taught eternal principles that I know are true. And I know that even when life seems to throw you a terrible curveball that you weren't expecting, you just need to hold on a little longer.

Even when it seems like there is nothing left that you can do, there is always something.

And today, Katie and I will do something.

I would be amiss to forget to mention Mr. D handling me through the hysteria. He talked sense into me. He held me. And then he made us breakfast for dinner while I made us smoothies. And he did the dishes. Sure, he may not be as emotional as I expect him to be sometimes. But he certainly makes up for it in every other aspect of our relationship. I love you, Mr. D.

2 comments:

skroner said...

i almost wanted to cry when i read that first part. but the second part made me feel sososo reassured (: i love you rufio + heavenly father has reasoning behind everything that happens. i'm sure little gummydinobear is doing just fine, although from your previous post, i feel like you should definitely ask your doc about that.. that just seems so weird + random + not to mention dangerous in so many ways.

love you! (:

Laura said...

Ruth, I think about you and your growing baby all the time! I am praying for you and I know you are such a strong woman- very good at looking at things in perspective.
love you- Laura

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