I was afraid of being alone.
2005 was a year of tremendous difficulty and soul-searching that I cannot even begin to describe, but since I can still decently remember it, I wanted to be sure that I documented it, because it was a truly pivotal moment in my life. I read a lot of books and did a lot of thinking, a pretty hard thing to manage while working 3 jobs: as a hostess, tanning salon receptionist, and nanny. Through it all, I really "found" myself and readjusted my goals in life. There was one point right before going back to school when I thought, for the first time in my life, I am actually willing and ready to be in a real, long-term relationship. That was a big deal for me, since my longest relationship to that point was 2 months (not counting the off-and-on-and-off FYBF).
I finally knew who I was, and who I wanted to be. While I was not desperate to be in a serious relationship immediately, I knew that as an individual, I was whole, complete, even. For what I think was the first time in my life to that point, I had real love for myself. And that was what what necessary to prepare me for what would lie in the second half of 2005. I finally had achieved an identity beyond the superficial outside appearance I had used since my Freshman year in high school.
Lo and behold, I had a wonderful first week of school being single, hanging out with my supportive and loving roommates and attending my cousin's wedding back home.
And then I met Him. And He changed my life forever. But that is a story for another time...